i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
