Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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