It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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