I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
