Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize