I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i out mim tonsoeep
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
