Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
