he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
