if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.