If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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