Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
