Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
