O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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