god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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