Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
