Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
