Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
