So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
