ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
