I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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