Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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