my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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