When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Found the puke drawer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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