i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
