i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thank you for not boning my boss.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
