I want to stick my p in your. b.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
