Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
