At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
