ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
