2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
