I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
