I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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