Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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