is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
