I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
