I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize