with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
