Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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