Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar

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(614): View more from Ohio

if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it

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(860): View more from Connecticut

in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore

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(404): View more from Georgia

You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong

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(510): View more from California

After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.

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(406): View more from Montana

I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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(347): View more from New York

Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.

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