I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
