you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
