Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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