Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Randomize
