I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
