he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
