Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
