i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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