Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
