i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this just has baby written all over it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
