am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
