pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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