seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
