She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.