On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .