Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.