I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode