never play flip cup with pint glasses
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich