Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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