out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
